My story is a familiar one of achievement and ambition leading to burn out and disillusionment.
After years of struggling to rebound, insult to injury came in the form of miscarriage, loss of friendships, chronic pain, ill parents, and contending with entry into middle age, along with attendant fear of failure and success.
What became the foundation of my healing was becoming a student of non-duality, meditation, yoga, Mindfulness-based Cognitive Psychotherapy, and anatomy & physiology.
With myself as the science experiment, I've weathered the lows and learned how to rise again.
Now I want to share that with you.
It's been a long and slow path. My achievements failed to bring me fulfilment and purpose seemed elusive. Thwarted by life's inevitable challenges, I persisted in depressive and self-defeating patterns for years. I reacted to perceived failure with desperation, deprecation, desolation or defeat.
When a friend introduced me to meditation, I started to understand the trap of identification. I started to see that I was not my failure, just as I had not been my success. I was not my depression, or my anxiety, or my anger, or my fear, they were transient states. I, my peaceful, functional, capable self, was something other: the awareness that saw those states, the awareness that transcended those states, that I am awareness, beyond those states.
Yoga was brought to me by my beloved mother at the age of 6 or so. Perhaps because it was initially a playful thing, I didn't understand it's power or application until many years later. Yoga, as moving meditation and movement medicine allowed me a new angle of meditative embodiment and a way of healing the physical pain I had accrued through high-level competitive sports and the tense, fearful imprints of troubled emotional states.
The slow, diligent refinement of positive patterns carved new pathways of experience. By nurturing presence, through tenderness and non-judgement I've made the steady shift toward a different, fear-less way of being.